I had written a post on my other blog that was about my feelings of infertility and frustration and it upset my friend that just had her baby. I left a message last Tuesday (6/10) and another message (this one had an explanation) this past Wednesday. I also sent an e-card and an email. My Mom thinks she'll never talk to me again.
I feel bad that I upset her. My Mom says she's hormonal and sensitive. I feel in my heart that I didn't do anything bad. Other people read it and I read it to my friends IRL and they all understood how I felt. I really hate when people assume things (what happens when you assume?) and they don't let my explain.
On the other hand do I really want to be friends with someone like this? She knows how long we've been trying so it's not like it was news to her. She wrote something that stung me, "I know that it has been difficult for you" and then she writes, "I didn't know you felt this way (about coming to the hospital)." Um, okay. Do people think feelings of IF are controlled by a light switch or that after awhile feelings go away? It's been 3 1/2 years and it still hurts and stings.
It really bothers me when my voice isn't heard.
Making Bets
2 weeks ago
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6 comments:
I am sorry about your friend. I have those fears about letting people see my blog because we do feel that way about such things. God knows that we are truely happy for our friends but we are HUMAN. We are devestated by our losses and nothing can take that pain away and yes things affect that pain. It would be the same if you were stood up at the alter and you best friend was getting married the following week. Are you happy for her? Yes. Are you still pissed that it is not you? Yes. Completely normal. I say give it time, send a baby gift and tell her you still love her and the baby. You have the right to protect yourself and that is what you are doing.
Oh and I love your new spot. I new you were getting a new one but I just didnt know where it was. I am glad you let me know.
No one understands UNTIL they are in the situation. They can empathize, sympathize, offer compassion, but they don't truly understand. Especially if they got pregnant easily.
I have a friend who was pregnant when I had my miscarriage last year. I didn't go to her baby shower and she never seemed to understand my feelings. I went to visit her in the hospital when she was in labor- one of the hardest things I've ever done, ever. While I was there her mother made me feel so so so guilty for not being at her baby shower. Her mother is a woman that had 7 misscarriages and a stillbirth at 38 weeks...you think she would understand, of all people, but she didn't.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people just suck. You think you know them, you think they're you're friends...but really, what kind of friend is that?
Ugh... that really IS yucky. :(
I'm sorry.
The bottom line is that all of us have our sensitivities, quirks, things that bug us. We can do our best to be sensitive to the feelings of others. But we can only do so much.
And, within reason, you can write about what you want to write about on your blog. And sometimes people WILL get their feelings hurt. I worried -- but just for a moment -- that people would be upset by my posting about my "large" weight of 140. But that's my reality. You know?
I wish you the best as you try to have a baby.
Even though i can not begin to fathom what you are going through I want you to know that i love you and support you in all that you do. A true friend would have the heart to forgive.
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