Weaning

I was very determined to nurse both my babies. I really enjoyed nursing E even though we got off to a very rocky start. I did nurse Peanut and Squeakers in the hospital but also supplemented with formula. I just wanted them to gain weight so they could come home. M helped me with the babies for their first two weeks home. He would ask me who he could feed and more times than not I told him Squeakers. So I blame myself for him not nursing like Peanut did. I do wish I could go back and do things differently. It's affected me more than him. I continually tried to nurse him but after a few months he would turn his head away. He's very content to drink out of a bottle. And now so is Peanut. He's becoming so independent. He likes to hold his own bottle and take a swig. The only time he really nurses is at night. Then you have E who loved her boobies and nursed until 2 1/2 years old. I really thought my nursing relationship with my babies would be like that. My children are all their own person with their likes and dislikes. What makes them move.
As a parent you do the best you can for them. Even though they may not understand or like you for it at the time. E has a hard time understanding why we are more strict with her than the other kid's parents in our neighborhood. Why we don't tolerate being mouthy and having an attitude. It is my job to be the best parent I can be for them, not their best friend. I just want them to grow to be happy, healthy and respectful of people and their world. I think that's what any parent wants. Right?

Today's special

A good friend of mine came up yesterday for a visit. We were talking about people we graduated with and she showed me some of their pictures on f.acebook. I'm not on that or m.yspace. I have my blog and that's good enough for me. It was nice to see pictures of my classmates, especially those I went to kindergarten with. It's different to see some with children. I don't know why. Not that I thought they would make bad parents--just different I guess. I still can't believe that I have E (she turned 6 on 7/22). I don't feel old enough to have a six year old.
It bothered me with the way I've changed. I am once again out of shape and could stand to lose a few pounds. I do wish I could be consistent with my weight loss and exercise. I did 50 minutes of tae bo today courtesy of you.tube. I started eating salad with spinach and romaine lettuce. Little changes. They say if you do something everyday for 26 days it becomes a habit. I can vouch for that because I did that with flossing. So I started tracking my diet via weigh.t watchers on line and have signed the b.ob green'es total body makeover contract (again). I fell off the wagon with that when I had my lap done.
I go today for my post lap check up. I will update you later.

Musings

If you would have asked me at the start of my journey for a second child if I thought I would be still trying for another baby fours years later I would have answered no.
I will be 34 in November. One more year until I'm 35. That's the age when your egg quality decreases. I feel like I'm playing beat the clock, but not with my best ability because all fertility treatments in Pa are out of pocket. I.vf is put off to the side until I get a teaching job. How long do you try for? When do you start to explore other options? I know we each have our own breaking point. I get frustrated because I know what I want. And there is no way of knowing whether my dream will come true for one more baby.

My belly is getting better. It is now slightly sore. I slept better last night (I'm a side sleeper and I couldn't sleep on my side because doing so would pull my stitches).

New rule

I think that all of you know by know that I serve at the big OG. For some unknown reason pregnant women and newborns are always sat in my section. I am implementing a new rule: if you are a pregnant infertile or are a new mom that has dealt in with infertility you may be sat in my section. If you are pregnant or a new mom otherwise (I mean fertile mertile's) you are not allowed. It just gets so hard to see women rub their bellies and tell me that they can only eat a little bit because the baby is taking up room. I waited on a family last night with four children. It makes me sad to think that I may never have a baby.