I wish

I wish I can be a morning person. Everything is just waking up, it's not hot yet and it's the perfect time to go walking. I am so not a morning person. I've been getting up early to water my flowers, take the puppies out and get ready for school. Maybe it has to do with the way I sleep which is crappy? I sleep horrible because of my back.
My back is not good: two compressed disks, arthritis and curvature of my lower spine. I have to call my doctor and get a referral for an mri. This is so not cool. I'm only 32 and I feel much older. I'm afraid to do yoga and I don't run anymore. I want to hop, skip and jump and not worry about the pain. I came down the steps last week and my legs gave out from under me. Very scary. Hopefully the mri will provide more answers. I hope this can be fixed.
Has anyone dealt with compressed disks of the lower lumbar region?

Crazy day

I'm back at home--yay!! I sure do miss being here.
My veggies and flowers are growing like crazy. I think it's the combination of peat moss and cow manure I used in the flower beds. My Mom complimented me on how nice my flowers look. I take a lot of pride in my plants. I worked at a nursery/gift shop/greenhouse for five years. I would look all around at the beautiful plants and say to myself that one day I would have a house and I would plant pretty flowers and yummy vegetables. And now I do.
I have work at four. Yuck. I have to work on a paper, take the puppies for a walk and go grocery shopping. I would really like to just lay on my pool deck and catch some rays.



Bloomin' broccoli














I forget the name of the purple perennial. My nine tomato plants and three pepper plants are behind it.

Isn't it 5 o'clock somewhere?

Tired

I'm here in Shick rounding out week two of summer classes. I don't sleep well here--I miss M. Even his snoring. I also miss my puppies. And my house. It's funny--I grew up here (and lived here well into my 20's and some of my 30's) and I sleep in my old bedroom but it's not the same. My home has changed.
I do my homework after E goes to bed. Journal readings, reader responses, text book readings, etc. I have a quiz tomorrow on five journal articles. We've been working with them though so it shouldn't be too bad.
What are you doing on this fine summer's eve?

July 4th

I wish you all a Happy and safe 4th of July. I really do love this holiday. It's a celebration of history, freedom and our nation's birthday.
This picture is of the Boston Pop's in the Hatch. If you ever get a chance to visit Boston on the 4th, do so. It's amazing!!!

Double standard

I have a problem with a double standard between infertiles and fertiles. I'm talking about feelings. Our feelings of sadness, anger, frustration and others are our feelings. It's a rollar coaster ride that is chock full of difficult decisions, disappointing outcomes, unknown outcomes and suprises. I can't keep my feelings to myself--I would burst. We use our family, friends and blogs to communicate to others how we feel. They are our support systems and sounding board.
I'm still peeved about my post being taken the wrong way (it will be a month since I've talked to said friend). My friend got to post her comment about how she felt but she has not communicated with me in any way. How is that fair? That we have to sit by and just bide our time with being quiet? They on the other hand can say what they want and that's okay? I get tired of censoring myself and walking on egg shells. Communique had an experience where she was open and honest with her friend and she has to date not heard from her friend. I do have many fertile friends that are empathetic to my situation. Could it be the way some people are raised? Perhaps.
I hope no one treats my friend the way she treated me. I can't imagine doing that to anyone. It's just not nice.

Here I go again

I'm back at B.loom taking two summer classes: Teaching Fine Arts and Literature and Literacy in a Diverse Classroom. Finals will be August 8. Two classes in six weeks is pretty good I think. I'll be living at my parents house because it is a shorter commute. Plus gas is cheaper down here by almost ten cents. Hey, I'll take what I can get.
Maggie (dog) and Marnie (cat) sleep with me in my old room. My mom thinks it's great because Maggie snores and Marnie wakes up and starts meowing--so they won't be waking her up. M came down for a visit but it was too short. I feel like we are dating again.
I had an article to read for Lit and it was so dry. I managed to get through it but I'm going to reread it for tomorrow.
I brought down all my yoga stuff and sneakers to walk. Ask me how I'm doing with exercise? Yup, nada. I am doing good with eating though. All my parents live on is grilled chicken and salad. How can I not lose weight?
I am very tired and going to bed. I think I caught you all up.
I'm very happy for Reproductive Jeans Hang in there Ron!!

This is yucky

I had written a post on my other blog that was about my feelings of infertility and frustration and it upset my friend that just had her baby. I left a message last Tuesday (6/10) and another message (this one had an explanation) this past Wednesday. I also sent an e-card and an email. My Mom thinks she'll never talk to me again.
I feel bad that I upset her. My Mom says she's hormonal and sensitive. I feel in my heart that I didn't do anything bad. Other people read it and I read it to my friends IRL and they all understood how I felt. I really hate when people assume things (what happens when you assume?) and they don't let my explain.
On the other hand do I really want to be friends with someone like this? She knows how long we've been trying so it's not like it was news to her. She wrote something that stung me, "I know that it has been difficult for you" and then she writes, "I didn't know you felt this way (about coming to the hospital)." Um, okay. Do people think feelings of IF are controlled by a light switch or that after awhile feelings go away? It's been 3 1/2 years and it still hurts and stings.
It really bothers me when my voice isn't heard.