Wanting and waiting

While there is lot of good news in the blogosphere, I'm being reminded of what I don't have: a baby. I'm very happy for my cohorts because I'm aware of their struggles. But it still hurts to read betas, look at nursery pictures and see newborn pictures. No one said life is fair but it sure sucks sometimes.
We've been trying for almost four years now and it isn't getting easier. We are going to do i.vf in September but it seems like ions away. Pa is a shitty state to live in when pursuing treatment because they do not mandate insurance companies to cover anything. Hopefully I will get a teaching job and we can get started. It's so much money but I would always wonder, "what if?" if I didn't pursue it.

The chef, teaching and pimple post

I am having a pampered chef party tomorrow. I didn't want to have one but I can't say no. Only a few people are coming because a lot of my friends work on the weekends and that's ok. It will be a cozy dining affair with great company, good food and wine (maybe sangria?) I'll have to remember to take pictures.
Student teaching is going alright. It's a bit overwhelming. It doesn't help that my co-op teacher doesn't explain to me the curriculum and prep me for each day. I get there around 8:40. Some kids (I'm student teaching 2nd grade) are starting to straggle in. I put up the morning agenda, check homework, get a lunch count and take attendance. There are 23 students and on most days there seem to be more. They have one special per day (music, art, gym, etc.) and we use that as a prep period. It's a rush to get things done in a timely fashion. I conduct morning circle time where we go over the day's message. The message contains math problems, a sentence that has spelling/grammatical errors and an analogy. That is our morning. Afternoons should consist of math and reading. However, if there are delays or an assembly then that puts a crunch on those subjects. The school I'm at does integrated lessons (one topic covers math, reading, science and math. long gone are the days of teaching math for 45 mins., science for 45 mins., etc.) My teacher is great and does team teaching with me. Yesterday though she left me alone a few times because she was having a problem with her daughter. I just jumped in and began where she left off with reading. It helps tremendously that I know these kids (I did my internship with this class). My adviser will be coming on Thursday to do an informal observation. That is nerve wracking.
I have many pimples on my cheeks and chin. This is due to nerves and my incessant eating of chocolate. I can't help it, I'm an emotional eater. I love chocolate. Surprisingly my weight is going down. I was too tired this week to work out. I started again today. I hope my work out videos come today.
I have work at 3 pm. I am so tired of working on the weekends. I get no rest. I'm so ready to have Sat and Sun off.
What's new with you?

Trying to be positive

I've adopted a new motto for this year, "Be positive". I am trying to stay optimistic. Every month comes with a new hope of getting pregnant.
I've gained some weight due to emotional overeating. I'm back eating healthy foods and indulging in goodies lightly. I am getting up early for student teaching (which started today!) and I'm going to add exercising to videos or Fit tv to my morning routine. I'm tired of being tired and having back fat. I can't control when I'm going to have a baby but I can control my weight.

Student teaching is something that I knew I had to do in order to graduate. But I never thought the time would come to do it. I'm in my last semester and today was my first day. I am with the same teacher and class I had for my internship so there is no getting to know you period. I'm very comfortable with the class and the teacher is wonderful. She herself a former stirrup queen. How nice is that? I lucked out.

The Arctic front is coming through our neck of the woods. I'm dressing in layers to stay warm. And there's nothing like a nice hot cup of tea with milk and honey!

There's five hours I won't be seeing again

I had my Praxis II today. Very random questions. I hope I did okay. While waiting to be checked into the exam room a very pregnant woman was talking with someone she knew. She was asked if this was her first child (no. she had a girl) and if she knew what she was having (a girl). The woman then said, "We're going to start our own goddamn Girl Scout troop. I'm so tired of having girls. It's like I'm being punished." She then proceeded to tell her friend that her daughter is terrible and went into detail about why she did not like her daugher. I wanted to hit her. Or yell at her loudly. How dare she--that ungrateful person--stand there and bitch and complain. Again, I don't understand why God gives these people children and there are so many of us that struggle for a baby that may never be.
How about all the other Praxis testing locations postponed the test until next week? Yes. I thought that was a gas too. In about 4 weeks I will know my test results.
I would rather have been home watching the best movie that was ever made:

I hate waiting

We are going to borrow money from our retirement investings but we can't do it now. The payments aren't bad but with me leaving my TSS job (bc of student teaching) and only working at the OG on the weekends we can't swing that right now. I am so tired of the waiting, seeing children who are poorly taken care of and people getting pregnant WHO DON'T WANT KIDS (WTF?!?! That really pisses me off). I'm so upset and mad.
This sucks. I reserve the right to rant again if I feel like it.

Vote for Mel!!

Our wonderful Mel is up for a weblog award for best Medical/Health Issues blog. Go vote for her here! You can vote once every 24 hours. Let's go kick some ass!!!

Changing blog

I've made some changes to my blog design. I hope you like it. I have a question for people who use blogspot--how do you change your layout so that you can have items on both sides of your posts? Thank you!